E's Surf Report

why not spend time filling in the top threes... surf is a poop.

Top three favorites
Surfers:
Slates
rasta
dora

Food items:
cereal
la taqueria, TACOS
real ramen noodle soup

California weekend trips:
Los Padres Nat. Northern Section
Kern County,
C.Coast

Things to do with the lady:
sun, island beach, warm water
Cook
Snuggle

Mentionable Surf spots:
Bleep #($*(#*^&(@#&(
#($*#&( (*&(*#$*& (*&(!
#)(*#% )%(*)(# (this one is off the proverbial HOOK)

Guitarists:
what are guitarists?

Punk bands:
op ivy
dead kennedys
old bad religion

Moments:
waking up in a blizzard
waking up with a good wave staring you in the face.
spreading stoke

Movies:
caddyshack
spinal tap
fletch

that was me...

Lady, are you crying, do the tears belong to me
Did you think our time together was all gone
Lady, you've been dreaming, I'm as close as I can be
And I swear to you our time has just begun

Close your eyes and rest your weary mind
I promise I will stay right here beside you
Today our lives were joined, became entwined
I wish that you could know how much I love you

Lady, are you happy, do you feel the way I do
Are there meanings that you've never seen before
Lady, my sweet lady, I just can't believe it's true
And it's like I've never, ever loved before

(Chorus)

Lady, are you crying, do the tears belong to me
Did you think our time together was all gone
Lady, my sweet lady, I'm as close as I can be
And I swear to you our time has just begun

My Sweet Lady
John Denver
Words and Music by John Denver

friend #1, you hate the word "lady!"

Elias - nice on the waking up in a blizzard.

We look furtively at their backsides from afar, and we call them bitches, babes and ho's.

But once we become attached, they are elevated to "Lady".

Actually, I just think it is tired. Sort of like 'dude'.

I also like downloading spyware from lyrics sites.

i cannot in any forseable way, consciously take 'dude' out of my daily vocab. it fits so nice with my "california board sport schtick" that seriously, dude. no way.

"his name is lebowski? That's your name Dude"

surfers:
Jerry Lopez
Reno
Hakmann

Food:
Asada Burrito
Beer
Chips & guacamole
(after a session, of course)

with wife:
Hiking
picnic at beach
OK, snuggle

Mentionable surf spots:

Guitarists:
Garcia
Santana
Zappa

Weekend:
sailing the Bay
up north
hiking around home

Punk Bands:
Dont know any

Moments:
Daughter waking up
Daughter first word
seeing a "new generation" get waves

Movies:
Out of Africa
The Last Waltz
Good, bad and ugly

ok!

Surfers:
curren
slater
parko
(ai)

Food items:
cereal
burritos
virmicelli with imperial rolls and grilled pork

California weekend trips:
LA
Santa cruz
tahoe

Things to do with the lady:
sex
walk
watch american idol

Mentionable Surf spots:
swimming pools
southern cali military facility
oceanside

Guitarists:
wes montgomery
hendrix
danny gatton

Punk bands:
bad brains
minor threat
youth brigade

Moments:
glassy hot all day head high shallow barrels w/ pals after calling in sick
christmas
Night before a vacation. good one e

Movies:
kill bill 1
royal tanenbaums
team america
(fog of war)

bagel, good one with the DC punk. i totally spaced out.
ditto bad brains and minor threat. side note... i saw ian mackaye at my friends record store on 14th street saturday night. i was holding a beer. thinking... my how things change.

Dude, don't get me wrong. It has it's place. But imagine if everytime E wrote about another surfer he called him dude. It would get tiresome.

So, expand your vocab a bit when referring to your lady.

Top three favorites
Surfers:
Doof
Older dude who does Tai Chi when it is unsurfable
Marlin

Food items:
Panade
Hunan Smoked Ham from Henry's
Maguro

California weekend trips:
Big Basin
Steep Ravine
Jalama

Things to do with the lady:
Joust
Kill Dragons
Wake with a kiss

Mentionable Surf spots:
SARJ's
Mudslides
12 Monkees

Guitarists:
Stevie Ray
Eddie Hazel
Jimi

Punk bands:
Minutement
Avengers
FEAR

Moments:
Feeling the rain of spray as you come up from duckdiving on an offshore day
When the conversation stops and eating takes over at a dinner party that you prepared.
'Vooom, Daddy, Vooom' from the mouth of my daughter

Movies:
Paris Texas
Chusingura by Hiroshi Inagaki (1962).
The Kingdom

Surfers:
occy
tom carroll
slater

Food items:
garlic
ginger
broccoli

California weekend trips:
central coast
central sierra
upthecoast

Things to do with the lady:
backgammon
mutual massage
snuggle with benefits

Mentionable Surf spots:
big surf tempe, az
typhoon lagoon, fl
cowells

Guitarists:
junior brown
hendrix
slash

Punk bands:
dead kennedys
black flag
husker du

Moments:
right as you get to your feet just before you drop
right before she comes
a narrell or barrell at dusk

Movies:
north by northwest
pulp fiction
big wednesday

surfers:
rasta
gerlach
donovan

food:
tacqueria cancun burrito
home fries
waffle house—scattered smothered and covered

cali weekend:
hermosa (my lady's home)
myers
up the coast

with the lady:
cook her dinner
camping
sleeping in on a rainy morning

mentionable spots:
shackleford banks, nc
masonboro island, nc
montauk, l.i., ny

guitarists:
kimock
john scofield
john bell

punk bands:
999
generation x
buzzcocks

moments:
am i gonna make this section?
seeing your friend from the barrell
a clean duck dive of a monster wall

movies:
short cuts
blues bros.
la jetee

HR (bad brains) can SURF like a madman too.

Fav Surfers:
Gavin Beschen
Chris Ward
Donovan Frankenreiter

Food:
Carne Asada & Papas California burrito
Artichoke veggie burrito
Thai

California Weekend Trip:
Driving down 1 by yourself with nowhere to go.
Encinitas
San Luis Obispo

with the lady:
Surfing
Skating
Snowboarding

mentionable spots:
SF/SM
SD
HAW

guitarists:
Hendrix
Page
Pink Floyd guy

punk bands:
Op Ivy
Bad Brains
Rancid

moments:
Being held down in Oahu so long, coming up almost blacking out, seeing stars, with everyone in the lineup staring at me.
Surfing absolute shit slop waves with my good friends, but still having the best time ever.
Couple weekends ago, deciding to just get up and leave for a trip down the coast by myself, saw dozens of whales through 75 degree big sur.

movies:
Resevoir Dogs
Donnie Darko
Vanilla Sky

thanks for the heads up yesterday bbr.

surfers
Curren
Jerry Lopez
Larry Barttleman

Food
Menudo
Ben and Jerry's
Saag Paneer

Cali Weekend
Up North
Down South
Yosemite

Lady stuff
Hot tub
Lonely beach
Movie

Mentionables
J Bay
Rincon 10 years ago
The Bu

Guitarists
Jerry Garcia
Kimock
that Burrito Bros guy... whats his face??

Punk
Clash
Bad Religion
Germs

Lunch is done...

oh my god oh my god

pipeline contest live video

Tha was me

Way to pimp SandDollar you ... When its good, "The dollar is making change" I remember showing up there with a couple friends from South Africa once. Everyone from Cambria wanted to kick my ass for months after that. I made sure to email those guys about this little "mention" today, thought it would help spread the good word. Keepin it positive..

Surfers:
Parko
Curren
Gerry Lopez

Food:
beef pho at Minh Tri (6th & Irving) on the way back from the beach
carnitas
really good sushi

Weekend trips:
Plaskett Creek
Tahoe
Staying home & not having to work

With woman:
Hiking with her and the dog (or swimming 'em at the beach)
Going down & everything that follows
Cooking

Mentionable surf spots:
Zippers & la roca
The hook
Linda Mar!!!

Guitarists:
John Fahey
Robert Pete Williams
Andres Segovia

Punk bands:
Descendents
Minor Threat
Dead Kennedys
not necessarily in that order, that's the toughest top three for me

Moments:
Breakfast at 4 in the morning before going fishing or hunting
Coming off the bottom with speed and balance and seeing a nice tapered wall ahead
Going to bed in the mountains with snow falling

Movies:
Big Lebowski
Cadddyshack
Three Kings

ian - David Gilmore is the Pink Floyd guy. I second that. Not a high score on technical stuff but major control and creativity.

Fav Surfers:
Machado - well rounded and laid back
Jeff Clark - big balls for 25 yrs of solo Mavs
Gerry Lopez - made Pipe look easy

Food:
Fish Taco's
Oden
Pizza

California Weekend Trip:
Central coast
Yosemite
Tahoo

with the lady:
Roadtrips

mentionable spots:
OB

guitarists:
Satriani
Stevie Ray
Larry Carlton

Punk Bands:
Does Billy Idol count?
Sex Pistols
not really into punk

Moments:
Sitting in the water when the sky and water turns red.
Stepping onto the beach when I didn't think I was ever going to make it out of the water alive.
Last ride of the day is the best.

Movies:
Bond - James Bond
Arnold - Terminator, Preditor, Twins
Pink Panther Series

Top three favorites Surfers:
stewart
roach
skipp

Food items:
veggie burritos'
drunken pizza
whatever my mom cooks

California weekend trips:
pismo/SLO area
santa cruz
san diego

Things to do with the lady:
drive around
go out to eat
hang out at coffee/magazine shops

mentionable surf spots:
joe's
base
playgrounds

Guitarists:
jimmy page
joey santiago
east bay ray

Punk bands:
clash
misfits
minor threat

Moments:
scooping into a left barrel i know i'll make, preferably with some friends on the shoulder
about three drinks into a night of drinking with friends, still coherent enough to know what i'm talking about but buzzed enough to be feeling on top of the world
chilling out with my family on vacation somewhere hot and lazy

Movies:
big lebowski
batman
pulp fiction

yeah pipe contest!! anyone else see tiago get completely SPIT out of that barrel. insane!!!

Who's the guy with the yellow boogie board? I saw him killin it this weekend at the south end - Sunday morning I think. Kudos.

my buddies just got to the north shore last night and are staying directly across from pipe... fucking bastards

bbr
ask your buddies how many pipe barrels they were able to scratch into with 80 million locals paddling for the same waves?

come on dude... you're telling me you'd rather be here than hawaii right now? give me a break.

how about kainoe Mcgee!! currently in the quarters at Pipe.. just got barrelled. and has only been surfing for 4 years!!!

used to be (still is?) awesome booger.

i feel ya brr...my brother's been on the north shore for 2 months now, staying in a house on sunset beach....while i'm sitting confined in this cube, reduced to watching his reality on the internet. farkin' little brother!!

ya i saw that barrel rza, nuts..
curren heat coming up..

kainoa is a fucking animal...

If you can see it from HWY 1, it ain't no secret.

surfers
Tom Carrol
Taj
Gerry Lopez

Food
Runza (a must eat if your driving through Nebraska)
Super Burrito
Bacon cheese burger

Cali Weekend
Pt Arena Area
Ursl Rd (long weekend)
Central Coast

Lady stuff
Walking round town
Drinking wine
CSI

Mentionables
Chicama
Punta Mango
Zippers

Guitarists
Mike Houser
Robert Randolph
Warren Haynes

Punk
Daniel Johnston
Clash
Fishbone

Moments:
Coming back to SF after a long business trip
Warming up by a campfire
Being someplace rad for the first time

i'm off to the dentist..

But...

Curren advances!!! siiick!

Curren just got tubed!

Surfers
Curren
Irons
Lopez

Food
Ebisu
Naan and Curry
My mother-in-laws Chana Batura's

Cali Weekend
Newps
Tahoe
Mendo

Lady Stuff
Nordies Rack
Pottery Barn
Restoration Hardware

Mentions
56th
Privates
Brenecke's

Guitarists
Jerry
Mikey Houser
Warren

Punk
Operation Ivy
Clash
Fugazi

Moments
All that speed off the bottom and a perfect wall forming in front...
Standing atop the Enchanted Forest @ Squaw with zero tracks and my 2 best buds with me, just like the good old days...
Getting paid to sit in my cube and watch a contest at Pipe

Top three favorites

Surfers:
jim holt
odd todd
Alex

Food items:
steak
burrito
chili

California weekend trips:
Tahoe summer
Tahoe winter
North Coast surf escape

Things to do with the lady:
Tahoe winter
Tahoe summer
sunset dinner at Chalet

Mentionable Surf spots:
Fort Point
Fort Point
Fort Point

Guitarists:
jimi
eddie van halen
stevie ray vaughan

Punk bands:
Big Black
Dead Milkmen
hatebreed

Moments:
Just before dropping in. Seeing the ramp. Pushing into it. Anticipating the wave
Bottom turning a big wave. Looking up at the face, planning a next move
Riding through a tube

Movies:
Dazed and Confused
Matrix
Animal House

OK, here we go:

- Fav Surfers:
Tom Curren
Byron Howarth
Shane Stoneman

- Food:
Slanted Door
Delfina
King of Thai noodle house

- California Weekend Trip:
Montana de 'Oro
South Jetty
Jalama

- with the lady:
sex in our insane bed
walking
sex with her and her chick friend

- mentionable spots:
South Jetty
Sandspit
Tarantulas

- guitarists:
Dave Grohl
Michael Hedges
Jewel

- punk bands:
Agent Orange
Kajagoogoo
Spencer the Gardner

- moments:
finally scoring that blond girl, then going surfing
dropping in at overhead rincon
backside, jalama, overhead and just about to throw

- movies:
One Night in Paris (2004)
The Search I
Green Iguana

With the retro/ old school craze that's in vogue these days, I've been toying with the idea of picking up a single fin. Rather than paying through the nose for a new CI or Hobie, I've been looking for some older boards. I've found one cool board from a buddy, but neither of us are sure what's a fair price. I was considering swawpping a 6'6" merrick MX and a little cash. Too much maybe?

Vague is vogue dick.

Hope you enjoy the memories 'cause that's all you'll have if you keep it up.

Recently in Montara (motto: "burn a pallette here and we'll burn your car!"), residents reported an outbreak of bitchslapping. Perhaps you think there are no bitchslappings in Montara. Perhaps you are an idiot.

As the French say, au contraire (literally: "go home, kook!!"). I have here in my hands a copy of an Associated Press article sent in by alert reader Timmy, whose name can be rearranged to spell "TYIMM", although that is not my main point. "Timmy", by the way, only has the letters "immy" in in common with "Monica Lewinsky", so there is no other reason to mention Monica Lewinsky in this column.

According to a quote which I am not making up, from montara Mayor Bartholemew Rugglesnort (formally "Mayor Bartholemew Rugglesnort" and informally "Bro"), bitchslapping ranks as a major crisis just behind 2nd ave ejections, 15-second hold-downs and encounters with the man in the grey suit (insert your "dropping in on angry locals" joke here), as evidenced by the following conversation between Montara surfers:

FIRST MONTARA SURFER: "go back to half moon bay, bitch!"

SECOND MONTARA SURFER: "screw you, you moved here two years ago!"

FIRST MONTARA SURFER: "oh shit,. look at that fin! dude, come on, let's paddle together."

Fortunately I have a suggestion for Mayor Bro, and that is: transplant a colony of elephant seals.

No, seriously, my suggestion does not involve elephant seals, although it might involve tarring and feathering trannies from the east coast. My suggestion is more along the lines of a coup de grace, from the French coup, meaning "punking", and de grace, meaning "aliens". The procedure (you may want to write this down):

1. stuffing them into the nearest porta-potty
2. flushing twice

But instead the Montara city council (motto: "We'll let you into the lineup when you pry the broken surfboard out of our cold, dead fingers") thinks that they (the bitchslapped) will be sent home crying soon, sending this message to the public, and to the world: "stay the hell out".

Speaking of which, "The Montara Bitchslapping Outbreak" would be a great name for a rock band.

--

okay, so it wasn't *that* funny. it's the automated dave barry column generator if you want to have a go at it. i'm sure all you anonymous trolls can enjoy creating output for your adopted "home" and "sensitive" breaks, like SAND DOLLAR.

530 Local,
agreed the "vague is vogue" comment is a pretentious and lame, but keep your gay tough-guy attitude to yourself.

its easy to be tough whilst being anonymous.

530 = 86

E, did you ever get that email i sent you yesterday wondering about the opening band slot?

if you're interested, shoot me an email...

robert@bagoftoysmusic.com

Its easy to be a homophobic bigot when you post as "Jakers"

Whatever

holy shit pancho

Top three favorites

Surfers:
Ozzie Wright
Slater
Barney

Food items:
SUSHI!!!
Chinese Seafood
Grilled Squid

California weekend trips:
Bodega B&B
North Lake Tahoe

Things to do with the lady:
Food
Sex
Travel

Mentionable Surf spots:
Pipeline
J Bay
Lake Michigan

Guitarists:
Piggy (from Voivod)
Randy Rhoads
Kirk Hammet

Punk bands:
Bad Religion (old)
Black Flag
Dwarves

Moments:
Seeing a fat, glassy, half pipe face in front of me
Playing guitar and singing
Knowing I'm about to get some

Movies:
Akira
Taxi Driver
Lord of the Rings

that was lerm...

Got a kick out of this: somebody hacked T-Mobile and came away with Paris Hilton's cell phone address book. Among the trashy/flashy names in there: Taj Burrow. Just pen pals, no doubt.

Recently in Doneatus (motto: "I just farted"), residents reported an outbreak of Man-eating sharks. Perhaps you think there are no Man-eating sharks in Doneatus. Perhaps you are an idiot.

As the French say, au contraire (literally: "shithead!"). I have here in my hands a copy of an Associated Press article sent in by alert reader Bad Vibe Bob, whose name can be rearranged to spell "BBAODB VEIB", although that is not my main point. "Bad Vibe Bob", by the way, only has the letters "aieo" in in common with "Monica Lewinsky", so there is no other reason to mention Monica Lewinsky in this column.

According to a quote which I am not making up, from Doneatus Mayor Sir Wanksalot (formally "Mayor Sir Wanksalot" and informally "Bubba"), Man-eating sharks ranks as a major crisis just behind surfing, sunbathing and taking bong hits (insert your "Spicoli" joke here), as evidenced by the following conversation between Doneatus government employees:

FIRST DONEATUS EMPLOYEE: "Don't bogart it"

SECOND DONEATUS EMPLOYEE: "I'm next"

FIRST DONEATUS EMPLOYEE: "Nothin left but stems and seeds"

Fortunately I have a suggestion for Mayor Bubba, and that is: cut George Steinbrenner's penis off.

No, seriously, my suggestion does not involve George Steinbrenner's penis off, although it might involve tarring and feathering Tobacco Institute scientists. My suggestion is more along the lines of a coup de grace, from the French coup, meaning "surfing", and de grace, meaning "in the islands". The procedure (you may want to write this down):

1. send trannies to oakland
2. Shove a snake up their ass

But instead the Doneatus city council (motto: "We'll control when you pry the ergonomic mice out of our cold, dead fingers") thinks that they (the Man-eating sharks) will eviscerate you soon, sending this message to the public, and to the world: "Go home tranny".

Speaking of which, "The Doneatus Man-eating sharks Outbreak" would be a great name for a rock band.

Ok, i've calmed down. Vague is vogue might be a pretentious and lame way of putting the concept, but I basically agree with it and I was alarmed to see a special place named here, with the reason for it's special nature cited as well. It's kind of like shitting in your nest.

I'm not trying to be a tough guy, but I think special knowledge means more to you and the others who share it if you work for it.

And then I realized I got the name wrong and it's not even the spot I was worried about. So apologies all.

PS, Jakers, "Jakers" is not appreciably less anonymous than "530 Local" fwiw.

Surfers:
Duke
Joel Tudor
Rob Machado
Sonny (not Garcia, this old man in OR that hobbles down to the beach with a cane and lays down and rides the waves)

Food items:
Nasai teri lunch special
patxis pizza
beer

California weekend trips:
tahoe
crescent city
yosemite

Things to do with the lady:
doggy
69
missionary

Mentionable Surf spots:
sanO
seal beach
HB

Guitarists:
ethan klein
billy jack hagerman
umm....this lady i met camping in the Hoh rainforest...i guess she was playing a dulcimer though

Punk bands:
charles robison
hank williams
elvis presley

Moments:
getting a perfect shot of your buddy surfing
the first post-surf beer, where your face is sun/windburned and you're parched
looking down a chute covered in untracked

Movies:
all of the star wars flicks
old school
lady and the tramp

Go TC.

mentionable surf spots
to the north, vague is vogue
to the south: Sand Dollar, Willow, don't forget Fullers, San Carpaforo, Killers, abalones, exotics, santa rosa, spooks, little rock, Cardiacs. County Park, rastas, Arroyo Laguna, Leffingwell Landing. Hazards, Tarantulas, Rincon. Just go ask a local on Moonstone Beach Drive if you want to find any central cal spot. They are lonely and love to share a wave with someone from san Fran. Oh yeah camp at Pleskett, its uncrowded as heck, hardly anybody surfing there, go to Willow Creek if the Dollar isn't making change. Tell them anon sent you, he told me there are good waves here.

Kids got style already.

http://surfermag.com/av/travel/prdgypoint/

that was awesome
i was wating for someone to spout out the spots!
classic

Pancho's gonna take it -- 9 and 9.9.

Hey snake, I'm on Oahu right now and the most people I saw at one break (including Pipe) over the past five days was at Makaha (~40) this morning. Conditions have been big, but not perfect, so only the charging chargers have been out at Pipe, Sunset, etc... The trades have been up most of the week, so if you wanted clean offshore conditions you had to trek over to the West Side of the island. Travel note: I saw AI and BI at Pipe yesterday morning carrying a camera and a tripod on to the beach. I guess they were going to snap some photos of one of their buddies in the contest.

I think the contest at pipe promotes surfing. People from Iowa will see it, and they will decide to become surfers and clog our local secret spots on highway 1 (when they can find a parking spot). I think all those contest fags should get their ass kicked. I think BVB should go tell them they have no soul. Down with contests. Down with Tom Curren, the damnation of surfing as none of us knew it. Long live Mickey Dora

coo coo!

some funny posts up there

i wish i was in hawaii

nice work e.

way to get everyone thinking and
sharing stuff...fun read today.....

PROPS to traut and koodom!!!
PANIC in the house......

tudor
slater
steck, aka "the board doctor" (mysto windansea board repair guy)

avocado
beets
garlic

anza-borrego
big sur
monolake

camp
cook
hump

malibu
pleasures
OB

will bernard
garcia
julian bream

clash
bad brains
meat puppets (??)

sunrise
half dreaming
sunset

wings of desire
in the white city
waiting for guffman

spouting spoutables is better than shouting shoutables. If you can't join em, beat em- to the punch, keeping it real, but preventing self from getting pissed when they are named in future, cuz I already did. But seriously, anyone know any real secret spots they would like to share, I could meet you there. Gotta go have buttie band practice.

I went to Sand Dolla@ last October. It was nice and hot on the beach, and my kids and I had hermit crab races at low tide. I went and posted it on the internet site, Crabbing for the Crabby, and when I came back, the hermit crabs were all gone, and the beach was swarming with kids from Oklahoma, of all places. These hillbilly kids had installed some afterburner aftermarket crab-soup-ed up engines to their shells and fixed the race. I am never again posting about my exploits to be sure. When I find something cool, I will not validate it on the net, I'll just brag about it in some old fashioned way.

so I honored the waves this morning with the early early morning go-out. Only guy on the peak. Took half hour to get lined up properly, then caught some reelers. I'm glad I was there.

http://www.piercedglasses.com/index.html

At least no one mentioned that you take the trail and then the wooden stairs down to me.

Oooooh, did i give away the secret?!

dude sand dollar your just like me!

The Dollar will be making change this spring!

Thank you for the information