Future surf
The year is 2300. In the isolated Nicobar islands a thriving community of humans live in relative peace and harmony. The intense global warming of the last 400 years has caused weather patterns to go bananas. Huge low pressure systems now march across the roaring 40s, making storms of the past look like weak, whimpy drizzles. The nuclear catastrophy of 2112 wiped out over two-thirds of the world's population, leaving a relatively sparse smattering of survivors in some of the less populated regions of earth. Since that time humans have regrouped and recivilized in favoroable ways. Population has stabilized and grandiose weapons have been outlawed. Technological acumen is now used to create more leisure time rather then a hightened fury of capitalistic competition. In the last hundred years fine arts and music have flourished. Much focus on sport has also been given, including the wave-riding dance of surfing.
With the heightened global storm activity, the intensity and frequency of ginormo swells has increased greatly. Humans have risen to the occasion and now ride waves that were formerly thought insurmountable. On a tiny Nicobar island lives a kid named Swamo who particularly excells at riding waves. New surfboard technology has emerged, led recently by the brilliant bio-chemical advances of Swamo's dad Dr. Dirth. Dr. Dirth's latest surfboards combine a lightweight titanium alloy with a living biological agent. This agent performs many interesting feats. It's able to redistribute its mass to form to the contours of a wave face. It's able to dynamically grip a rider's feet, making wax and traction pads obsolete. It can dynamically grow or retreat in length/width/breadth depending on the specific wave-riding circumstances. The material can also detect the presence of sharks in the water and zaps them with a mild tranquilizer if they approach. The boards are awesome and Swamo knows how to utilize their power better than anyone.
With the increased storm activity, waves that had previously rested dormant most of the time now consistently light up. On Swamo's home island a perfect reef captures consistent double-overhead groundswell and sculpts it into reeling, barrelling, down-the-line perfection. Swamo's typical ride consists of a deep, late, air-dropping takeoff into a growling monster barrel. He generally hides-out behind the curtain for 20 seconds or so and then launches out into a double-flipping no-grab air. Then he likes to do repeated carving 720s then a bunch of switchfoot kickflip airs before getting his inside barrel-time on the gnarly, dry-reef psycho suckout end-section.
------------------
neco
somewhere on earth, yesterday
Lindy yesterday evening
beautiful bottom turn by willsy
go swamo go. why does jefferys bay mock me?
Posted by: bagel at July 13, 2005 10:13 AMshared a coffee break and knee high closeouts with kaiser sose this morning. i want my own personal left point.
Posted by: j at July 13, 2005 10:18 AMSurfin' on a rocket!
Posted by: flades at July 13, 2005 10:18 AMhttp://www.nasa.gov/returntoflight/main/index.html
Some meteorologists believe that as the earth warms, there will be more evaporation of the oceans creating more clouds that will reflect the sunlight back into space thereby stabalizing the lower atmosphere and ocean temperatures. If this is true, don't expect to be trunking it in SF in 2050.
Posted by: Dennis at July 13, 2005 10:31 AMyeah swamo.
between the story below and the warm water in the atlantic, seems like the day after tomorrow could be coming soon...
Sea life in peril -- plankton vanishing
Posted by: loon at July 13, 2005 10:45 AMUsual seasonal influx of cold water isn't happening
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2005/07/12/MNG8SDMMR01.DTL
Important, for dog owners: "Two separate reports of a stocky, Caucasian male jogging at Ocean Beach early AM who has brandished a knife at dogs running up to greet him. He matches the description of a man who stabbed a dog at a Santa Cruz beach whom authorities have stated was paroled recently. (posted July 11, 2005)"
He's extremely aggro and also threatened a friend's golden retriever, who is the goofiest, most innocuous looking pooch you can imagine. He also threatened my friend. Watch out for this doodoo head.
Better surf tomorrow...?
Posted by: s.s. sharkbait at July 13, 2005 11:12 AMSucks that you have to worry about taking a walk with your dog on the beach. Your doggy is very friendly so it's surely a real concern for you.
I too have an announcement.
Important for flower owners: Someone dug up my wife's poppy plant from our front yard garden last night. The flowers were golden yellow with about 20 flowers on the plant. I'm offering a $3 reward for anyone who can provide information leading to the pummeling of the offender.
Sorry SS. Not to make light of your post.
Posted by: Dennis at July 13, 2005 11:24 AMwhat kind of fucktard stabs friendly pooches? wtf?
Posted by: e at July 13, 2005 11:29 AMAfter 15 years in the Outer Richmond I almost gave up on trying to beautify a rather bleak, treeless street called home. Every planting put out curbside was at some pointed ravaged by ruthless bastards. Then one day, as I loaded up for a DP I caught some wizened 1,000 year old Chinese lady trimming and stealing.
Posted by: searoom at July 13, 2005 11:38 AMWe made eye contact and she made a run for it!
That old bitty could really move and I almost mowed her down with the VW Bus 3 blocks away, but reason and the scent of an offshore wind redirected my focus. Saved by Fall weather again!
that is fucked
Posted by: bagel at July 13, 2005 11:38 AMst leu
Posted by: at July 13, 2005 11:47 AMIm not racist but I hate 1000 year old stinky Chinese ladys. Because they hate me, roundeye.
Posted by: Chinese lady hater at July 13, 2005 12:04 PMi used to poach roses from a house along a path to the beach. one day the owner finally caught me. as my luck and karma goes he was the father of one of my dad's business associates and had met Pops just the day before. i lost my wetsuit for a week. let me tell you a 2mm spring suit is not warm enough for foggy summer mornings. bbbbuuurrrrrr!
Posted by: 3to5setsof7 at July 13, 2005 12:18 PMFunny but true story! Back when living out on the Great Hwy, leaving to go to work around 8 am walking to my truck. This (homeless or maybe just wasted?) semi-attractive chick walks up to my neighboor's house, looks right at me, pulls her dress up to her chest, squats and takes a speedy dump in the planter box. I'm standing right there 10 feet away, not really knowing what to do- trying to ignore it but can't look away.
She sits there for a minute a little confused- looks around and then grabs a 2 handfuls of flowers, wipes and was on her way with a smile of relief on her face!
Could be the same culprit Dennis- did she leave her calling card?
Posted by: artifact at July 13, 2005 12:23 PMMan, anyone else surfing today? Looks like the south swell is beginning to hit.
Posted by: MSG at July 13, 2005 12:24 PMAnyone ever surf one of these Channel Islands Single Fin boards? One for sale on Craigslist.. http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/spo/83816095.html
Posted by: Duff at July 13, 2005 12:34 PMcan anyone explain what a red tide is and how long it is supposed to last? SD has had one for the past 2 1/2 weeks, the water looks and smells funky...
Posted by: Dubby at July 13, 2005 12:36 PMCrumble junk to the North this am. And I mean JUNK!
Posted by: Mr. Funcked at July 13, 2005 12:43 PM
Posted by: parko fan at July 13, 2005 12:44 PMRed Tide comes from whale excrement. It should dissipate once the fat buggers have completed their migration past your domicile and continue on to Shelter Cove for the Winter.
Posted by: The Dr. is In at July 13, 2005 12:45 PMYes, I know it all.
Have you ever stepped in whale shit? Holy Shit!
Posted by: Holy Cow! at July 13, 2005 12:46 PMHaven't stepped in it but have been surfing in it and I feel o.k. is there any health risks?
Posted by: at July 13, 2005 12:49 PMI like mine.
Posted by: Rob Machado at July 13, 2005 01:04 PMRed tide is algae, not piss, or shit, or semen.
The 411 on red tide: http://www.whoi.edu/redtide/
Posted by: 3to5setsof7 at July 13, 2005 01:05 PMthanks for the info 3to5! Whoa! Who said anything about semen?!!?
Posted by: dubby at July 13, 2005 01:12 PMGood one Doc. Red Tide is an algae bloom. Sometimes toxic, sometimes not. If fish are dying you probably don't want to swim in it but I don't know for sure. I think the biggest danger is eating clams, mussels, etc. during red tide.
Posted by: R3W at July 13, 2005 01:12 PMmy dog also often runs up to check out joggers and is 100% harmless. that dog stabber needs a brigade-style beatdown, and i'm not talking about dry-head. sick fuck.
found some waves away from ob yesterday evening, nothing to get excited about but fun session. seemed like it was pulling in some of the south, junky but decent size and possible quick lip hits for a while, then it really cleaned up but got a lot smaller.
Posted by: vons at July 13, 2005 01:19 PMskanky ex-girlfriend
Posted by: at July 13, 2005 01:22 PMRed Tide tends to hang out until a good wind comes. Some people are allergic to it. I'm not, so when it gets bad I enjoy the reduced numbers of surfers.
There's a 1000 yr old lady who comes around on trash day and pillages all my Tecate cans from our blue garbage, I've been wanting to turn the hose on her for year. She makes a lot of noise at 4:30 AM scamming cans.
Now, for the site of the day
http://www.insultmonger.com/swearing/
Ever notice how other cultures swear? Here are some good english translations from authentic slurs in other tongues.
Tamil: Suck a dog's cock
Posted by: Swear king at July 13, 2005 01:25 PMItalian: If a dick had wings, your pussy would be an airport.
Italian: Shit in your hand then slap yourself in the face
Mandarin: Fuck the 18 generations of your ancestors
Hebrew: Had they put your brain inside a bird, it would have started flying backwards!
Hungarian: Fuck your whore of a mother who played the instrument in Shanghai for a handful of sand.
Ride Tide is a strange upwelling caused by the Magellan Current crossing the Humboldt Current. Due to the Correolis Effect the water is lulled into a calm Ebb Tide usually situated off the coast of Orange Co./San Diego Co.
Posted by: The Dr. Is In at July 13, 2005 01:59 PMDeep-water canyons, such as those found off of Blacks Beach, flush nutrient rich waters into the near shore area. Where once the Mighty Galapagos Turtles freely roamed and ate the Sea Mites that infest the Red Tide, now only the occasional skinny California Glassy Eyed Loon plucks the nearly invisible Mite from the sea. Red Tides proliferate during El Nino Years and usually migrate across the equatorial belt ending up off of Shonan Beach in Japan during La Nina Years.
Yes, I know it all. Go Pepperdine Waves!
Hey Dr,
Posted by: MCC at July 13, 2005 02:16 PMI bet you are wrong and blakestah will be right...right about being wrong, that is, unless you're right and his wrong about being right on you being wrong. However, if you're right about his being right about being wrong, than he is actually wrong because you are right about his being right on your wrong, but only if two wrongs make a right. Right?
i thought red tide was the sequel to red dawn.
thanks mr. know-it-all!!
Posted by: korewin at July 13, 2005 02:17 PMPretty please.....
with sugar on top!
Posted by: 3to5setsof7 at July 13, 2005 02:17 PMi love the hungarian and the mandarin swears.
Posted by: bagel at July 13, 2005 02:26 PMman red tide is complicated..
Posted by: bagel at July 13, 2005 02:31 PM
Posted by: at July 13, 2005 02:44 PMred tide is, uh..never mind.
Dennis, that was the DEA that pulled those poppies. You're lucky they only confiscated the pre processed flowers and didn't press charges.
Any of you psychics out there know what the wind will be doing tomorrow?
Posted by: s.s. sharkbait at July 13, 2005 02:50 PMshred!!
surfing is fun.. but.. when the body breaks down..
music rules.
surrrf
Posted by: e at July 13, 2005 02:54 PMjam
shred
Red tide will often make you sick. It is an algae bloom.
Rather UNcomplicated.
I miss the 1980s when new swells still stood half-a-chance of arriving secretly. Fekkin' superinterhighwayweb. Hey everyone there's a south swell that will be arriving 10:05am on July 29th, it will be exactly 212-degree angle into OB and the waves will be 3ft@15 seconds.
I REALLY MISS SECRET STUFF.
-MM
Posted by: Monkey Milk at July 13, 2005 02:54 PMDamned DEA. Just cuz I made the mistake of getting caught when I was 18, they won't leave me alone!
Posted by: at July 13, 2005 03:11 PMThe south swell has been delayed and is now scheduled to arrive at 10:45am. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Posted by: R3W at July 13, 2005 03:14 PMSS - keep this a secret.
POINT ARENA TO PIGEON POINT TO 20 NM-
Posted by: Dennis at July 13, 2005 03:17 PM300 PM PDT WED JUL 13 2005
.TONIGHT...NW WINDS 10 TO 20 KT...EXCEPT SW WINDS 5 TO 15 KT SOUTH
OF PT REYES. WIND WAVES 2 TO 5 FT. NW SWELL 7 TO 9 FT AT
8 SECONDS. AREAS OF FOG AFTER MIDNIGHT.
.THU...W TO NW WINDS 5 TO 15 KT. WIND WAVES 1 TO 3 FT.
NW SWELL 6 TO 8 FT AT 10 SECONDS. AREAS OF FOG IN THE MORNING.
.THU NIGHT...W WINDS 5 TO 15 KT...EXCEPT SW WINDS 5 TO 10 KT SOUTH
OF POINT REYES. WIND WAVES 1 TO 3 FT. NW SWELL 5 TO 7 FT AT 9
SECONDS. AREAS OF FOG AFTER MIDNIGHT.
.FRI...NW WINDS 10 TO 20 KT...STRONGEST NORTH OF POINT REYES.
WIND WAVES 2 TO 4 FT. NW SWELL 5 TO 7 FT. AREAS OF MORNING FOG.
.FRI NIGHT...NW WINDS 10 TO 20 KT...EXCEPT SW 5 TO 15 KT SOUTH OF
POINT REYES. WIND WAVES 2 TO 5 FT. NW SWELL 5 TO 7 FT. AREAS OF FOG.
.SAT...NW WINDS 10 TO 20 KT...EXCEPT SW 5 TO 15 KT SOUTH OF POINT REYES.
WIND WAVES 1 TO 4 FT. NW SWELL 6 TO 8 FT. AREAS OF FOG IN THE MORNING.
i really miss working without all these damn distractions.
charting swells, checking blogs, boobies on the web,
tracking down copies of the shows i just saw last week.
holy shit technology sucks.
Posted by: korewin at July 13, 2005 03:20 PMfinally saw the new san franpsycho. man what a fucking joke. oooo. look how tough and getto we are. oooo. we have so much fun. look at me. i'm so cool. what a bunch of posers. i'm the real san franpsycho. if i see any of u tough guys out there try that local shit with me, you're gonna get a beating.
Posted by: san franpsycho at July 13, 2005 03:27 PMDoes anyone know about collector boards and cost estimates? I have a 7'8" Bradshaw Bolts board shaped by Ken Bradshaw that says "Personal Team Board for KB for 1979 Sunset" It is yellow with dings all over.
Is this worth anything?
Posted by: $$ at July 13, 2005 03:35 PMspeaking of surf movies saw that retro movie stylemasters last night..the narration was better than sprout for comedy, mostly cause they werent trying to be funny..the interview with the 2 guys in the extras is worth the price that my friend paid for it..the interview is a must see for a few reasons..i found myself laughing a few times thinking how much things have changed and how much more i would like to see slater or an irons on those waves..good waves though..overall i give it a 6
Posted by: bagel at July 13, 2005 03:42 PMhey bagel....
i would personally like to see slater, irons
and any other top dawg now-a-days ride
those damn BOARDS. that would be a hoot.
did anyone see sprout; where d. malloy was on that
lopez redux? man he was so SO close to losing the
tail like three times on that gnarly wave in indo.
would be fun to see how all those dudes would handle
an MR twinnie at pipe OR a rubberman bertlemann
board at rocky point this winter.
the annual big surfer is out for all you non-subscribers
Posted by: korewin at July 13, 2005 04:04 PM(like me). some good anecdotes and a funny interview
with bugs too.
Based on the new San Franpsycho, the City is 33% ghetto, 33% asshole, 33% gay*, and 1% chill.
(*not that you can't be gay and chill, ghetto, or asshole)
Posted by: at July 13, 2005 04:19 PMKorewin, how were them Panic shows? A buddy went to the one last night and i had to work.
I enjoyed Stylemasters too, love that style of surfing for some reason seems more fun than the AI stylee. The commentary ruled and so did the interviews.
I surfed my new homemade board for the second time today. Fun to figure it out and have some walls to play on. can't believe it floats and it is pretty speedy. I call it the Carnie Wilson because it is short, fat and ugggly.
Posted by: Hb at July 13, 2005 04:19 PMHey, they had a pic of me taking my board out this morn! Cool.
Posted by: Hb at July 13, 2005 04:23 PMKaiser Sose, you know what to do...
Posted by: steve-o at July 13, 2005 04:27 PMkorewin, i bet those guys would be killing it harder, if thats a word, on those boards imho. im just talking about the level really, buttons at the end was just starting the whole thing which was cool to see, and the rest of em too. the movie was cool but i could just watch so much. that would be rad though if they remade that movie wiht todays top guys..and sprout is almost that movie..but man, rastavich in that movie made me want to puke a few times..i think this was a quote; "we were riding our logs and fishes not caring what we look like, like little kids on a playground not caring what they look like" as hes surfing in front of a camera with a unbuttoned colared shirt on and a stylish hat..gack. the guy rips though. fo sho. i personally think Dan malloy was going off on that Gerry board on that huge right..."with style"..
Posted by: ebert (bagel) at July 13, 2005 04:28 PM"I call it the Carnie Wilson because it is short, fat and ugggly"
i laughed so hard i farted *embarassed*
Posted by: j at July 13, 2005 04:40 PMI always thought surfers were alot loke carnies. I am correct.
Posted by: Where is they? at July 13, 2005 04:49 PMRe: Stylemasters, I thought the flick was pretty solid. Decent film with some great old skool footage. Buttons is the man. Bertlemann is the man. The focus wasn't so much on Lopez or the like but just the overall style change that occurred from each generation. Seeing little 17 year old Tom Carroll was pretty funny.
I have to add to Ebert, er Bagel, on the extras! The interviews were worth the price alone. Buy the DVD, watch the flick, then watch the interviews.
I give it a 7.
KaiserBuster
Posted by: Kaiser at July 13, 2005 05:15 PMOh almost forgot....
Posted by: Kaiser at July 13, 2005 05:26 PMPicture above or picture below?
Posted by: Kaiser at July 13, 2005 05:35 PMHoggin' the blog.....
This might be the worst surfboard shape I have ever seen being pedeled on Craigslist....
Posted by: Kaiser at July 13, 2005 05:40 PMHey guys,
I want to take a friend out so I can teach her how to sponge. Where's a friendly beginner spot? I was thinking O.B. during the Summer is friendly enough, but the waves aren't good to learn on. Any tapered reef breaks around here or in Santa Cruz?
Posted by: MSG at July 13, 2005 05:53 PMwhats wrong with it?
if it said Rusty on it I bet your posing self would be all over it.
Posted by: at July 13, 2005 05:57 PMyes, if theres a tapered reef break around here somewhere let me know about it too..
Posted by: bagel at July 13, 2005 06:00 PMOverheard somewhere on the westside of SC... "that was uglier than two monkeys fucking a football!" Refering to someone's surfing style.
Posted by: late insult at July 13, 2005 06:23 PM"...flailing like Spiderman on speed..."
Posted by: Monkey Squirt at July 13, 2005 06:41 PMI said it.
Add some value. And get a job.
Maybe you can sweep for "JB" in their shaping room/garage.
Posted by: Kaiser at July 13, 2005 06:52 PMThat red wall trips me out too.
Posted by: Tokem Toomuch at July 13, 2005 06:58 PMSpeed? You've got to be kidding, that style just comes naturally.
Posted by: Spiderman at July 13, 2005 07:03 PMPlease send the E-trolls some clean swell. I can't take these lame posts (or mine).
Too much work lately- I'm seriously concerned that I'm going to lose my sponsorship by Viagra and Depends.
Posted by: Bruce at July 13, 2005 07:15 PMGee, sorry Spiderman!
Posted by: MS at July 13, 2005 07:30 PMI forgot there really is a Spiderman.
Keep on rippin'.
hpe they catach that fool not cool man love them swells
Posted by: slk at July 13, 2005 07:53 PM69th post is better than 1st!
Posted by: 69 is fine bruce at July 13, 2005 08:00 PMWhat? 70th? Damn!
looks like the south california pack is getting some of that small south swell. via free surf cam
Posted by: toneman at July 13, 2005 08:01 PMlong 2-4 foot lines manana. sure beats woek no?
Posted by: toneman at July 13, 2005 08:02 PMThat JB board looks special, for a special asymmetrical right-hander that requires a little warble in the rails to cut through the uber glassiness, very rare, a special board for a very special day, with a very, very special rider... Wilburrrrrrr...Mr. Kookae.
Posted by: onthebus at July 14, 2005 04:20 PMskanky ex-girlfriend
That is very very amusing.
Posted by: ankors at July 14, 2005 08:55 PMPoxa ai fotos sempre mto lindo!!!Fotos mto bem tiradas!!!semprevendu as fotos novas!!!parabens bjusss!!!comentem lah depois!!!fui...
Posted by: -=†Ðäñ¡zëñ|-|ä†=-(Dani) at July 17, 2005 06:04 PMwww.gatinhapreciosa.myflog.com.br