E's Surf Report

Pirst Foast!!

Cleaned the nuggiest diaper of my life last night.
Little one gave that familiar grunting noise, but being in the middle of my
chicken and noodles, I let him marinate for a few before attending to the
situation.
After finishing my meal, I picked up the boy and asked if he had a poo-poo,
to which he answered "No! No! Yes."
"Okay son, let's go change."
Got him to the changing table, took off his shirt and pants and laid him
back. To my dismay, I pulled my had out from behind him, and found my palm
smeared with orange/brown nuggy schmear.
Oh yeah, total blow out, which transfered not only to my hand, but to the
clothes I had removed and unwittingly tossed aside, which transfered to the
floor, and alas, my foot.
So I do the one foot hop to the bathroom and grab a whole roll of TP. Wipe
up the hand, the foot, the floor...
Transfer the boy to the bath tub, and let water run over his back and buns.
As the tub drain clogs with chunks, brown tinged water starts accumulating
around his feet.
So I use my thumbs to push the nuggules down the drain holes.
I haven't even mentioned the raunch aroma that punctuates the air.
Had to light some incense after things settled down just to mellow myself
out.
Moral of the story, attend to shit the moment you're aware of it, lest it
spiral out of control.

hahahahaha

figures its bbr

I peed directly in my father's face once--when he was changing my diaper. I'm sure he forgave me.

e, it's been awhile since i've told you how groovy your writings been. totally superb!

sactomex, many of us have kids and could give a shit about your kids shit.

Oh man, the photoshop engine are blazing
Wrybread? Your a good sport blaketsah

Thank you to all the haters you only make us stronger.

Hey, anybody lose something? I found a surfboard at Noriega this morning (2/10). Owner can email me, describe board and where you left it, and come pick it up tonight. Brian

you beat up tatoo for that tux?

Oh yeah, my email address is bgechow@comcast.net

3to5 - Hmmm, I thought it was funny

fun waves this morning. nobody around. beautiful sunrise. light offshores. i'm inspired.

maybe you give a shit about this:

Sacto, I think you and I have a lot in common! Classic post!

In other news.....
I read a bunch of posts this morning from yesterday. Believe it or not, I was too busy surfing and working to pay attention yesterday. From what I read, I have to ask: what is the big fucking deal these days?

It seems like everyone on here takes the world too damn serious. I say lighten the fuck up!
Typical SF.

If you aren't recycling, you are pissing someone off.
If you aren't rolling in a Hybrid, you are a fucking gas-wasting SUV driver.
If you have an SUV, you are an asshole.
If you don't "pimp" art for a living, you are a fucking dotcommie homo.
If you are a dotcommiesoftware geek, you have no soul.
If you ride a "retro" board, you have a mustache.
If you buy boards off the rack, you are a poser.
If you ride an Al Merrick, you must have a trucker hat.
If you aren't gay, you are homophobic.
If you claimed you surf somewhere, you are exploiting.
If you are vague, you are vogue.
If you are vogue, you are vague.
If you use "vogue" and "vague" in the same sentence, you are played out.
If you listen to The Greatful Dead, you are a hippie.
If you suck as surfing, you are a kook.
If you surf the same place for 20 years, you still might not be a local.

Its always a fucking contradiction!

Ease up everyone. Enjoy the fucking sun rising in the morning over the avenues. Enjoy the sun setting past the Farallons. Its just fucking life and its supposed to be fun.

Smile and quit bitching about everything.

Nobody around? I paddled out at 6:30, and joined about 10 of my closest friends. Plenty of silky head high waves to go around though....

nice post Kaiser.

surfed with nobody around except lerm, a girl we surf with a lot and a logger. Everybody caught a few good ones. Saw lerm smack the lip on a right. Saw the spray arc up in the early morning light.

Blakestah, I had no idea you raced male turd burglers--rad. My whole family has been racing for generations, a cousin holds Barstow's county record. Do you really think organic feed will protect my team from viruses? Do you use enamel-free blinder harnesses or do you prefer the velcro liners?

Friend #1 here:

Link here

And the one following it which would make it photo #17

I guess livin' on the north end = crowds for Sacto

Oh, the poo stories come out!

My daughter was in a bubble bath. I was goofing with her. She was laughing and laughing. I started whipping the water around whirlpool-style, my arms both down to the elbows.

She stopped laughing. I kept going. Then, wondering why she stopped, I looked up at her. She had 'the look.'

And, of course, I had just been pureeing the poo.

I have no idea how this document has escaped my attention for so long. A clean and thorough explanation of wave forecasting, including interperting observed wave data. I was so excited, I nearly went into geek siezures when I found it. There were graphing calculators and slide rules everywhere.

WMO wave forecasting

If you ride an Al Merrick, you must have a trucker hat.

doh!

i want to go back to the shore.

super good lead in today e

this is typical american attitude i can not stand.

"waste this, waste that. it OK because i have fun"

draw crtoon of mohammed and see what is fun.

come my country and see this fun you speek of.

come my country and surf, have KFC maybe Karl Jr. and surf some more.

we'll see about this.

vlad

e - I agree with bagel, epic poem today.

bagel - I have a greasy John Deer hat you can borrow

This mornings session was grand. I went to a san mateo beach break and surfed with one other guy and caught wave after wave after wave. Its been a long time since I had a good session like that. I rarely catch so many waves, but today was nice and mellow with a big channel to paddle back out. good times, i love california.

Vlad, well said! Me thinks.

I live here, I can have an american attitude.

Think about it.

you live on a earth.
you have attitude like all the bush.
rapist!

vlad

careful bagel - that my not be grease on the John Deer hat

Thanks E. Inspirational poem. Sam Flores is awesome--those hands...

I handed in my first essay for Eng 214 last night. I always think about Ralphie in "Christmas Story" when he pounds his heart out on paper for a school writing project, about wanting, more than anything in the entire universe, a Red Rider BB Gun. Ralphie envisions his teacher breaking out in tears as she reads his heart-felt masterpiece of an essay. He sees himself standing in front of a cheering class holding his award. Reality: his teacher gives him an F and says, "You'll knock your eye out." Now I have to wait till next week.

I live on "the" earth.
I have "an" attitude like "President" Bush "and his family"
I am a rapist

Tell us about you special guy? What makes you so special?

Do you not waste? Do you recycle what you waste?

Do you leave food on your plate? Do you give your scraps to less fortunate folks?

Do you deserve a Nobel Prize for not having a so-called American Attitude?

Do you live in America?

i dont know this what you speek.
vlad

judge not lest ye be judged
which among us can judge
we are but speck of dust in the cosmos
but dont drop in on me

and i wont drop in on you

Speaking of kids...

Going to be great weather in the Sierras this weekend. Warm weather, sun and snow means lots of little happy faces. Then all leave and I will have empty lift lines again. Too bad the snow is disappearing, fast...

after reading some of yesterdays posts I was thinking.
funny how all the major SC surf spots have crowds while less than half an hour away anyone can find an empty wave.
stay in town - follow the pack - don't explore

i don't have kids but i thought sacto's shite story was kind of funny. i emailed it to my girlfriend because she's been talking about kids etc. a bit to much lately. 325 is not the only one who reads this any way. i'm sure he's got the biggest penis of e's readership though. i guess that makes him special.

i liked reading sacto's scatological tale as well.

new SJ just came.
pg. 92-93 spread.
me and junior surfed/camped during hurricane swell in 1977.
pre tri fin and leash.
no cameras only salty sea spray.
captain Hector rules.

ah to be 23 again...

awesome and nasty shit story. yes, thanks but im cool! um, jizzy..

paddled out at K****'s C**e this morning.
saw quite a few guys south of me surfing V**'s
When I came in, I walked up the hill, and could see more guys out down by the pipe at L*****n
It was awesome!

How many online alter ego's do you guys have?

BVB
Tony Clifton
Vlad
Andy Kaufman
Mickey Dora

BTW thanks Andrew for the WaveForecast link!

kelsey brookes paintings

That WaveForecast link was sooo gnaaaarrrrr!!

Dude. That sea dragon eating that surfer is sooo gnaaaarrrr!!

Sorry to have harshed today's vibe. Please accept my apology:

Arrrgghhh! 3to5, that is soooo gnaaarrrrrr!!!!

Ethan, pal, please forgive me. I couldn't help myself.

Perspiration, from whence does it come?
Can you open armpits to it or must it flow naturally?
Where does the core of captivity lie? In Kaiser?s SUV?
For what reason human exhaustion?
For what reason human wives? Exhaustion?
Each of us dejected leaving the room.
Open to the vulgarities of erotic unconsciousness.
Floundering blowhards of nonexistent posters.
Drained by the reality of sinuses.
Daunted by the mystique of happy meals.

Anon- You made a huge mistake emailing Sactos story to your girlfriend. See, the problem is, HE dealt with the shite. Your GF will find that cute and humourous. And Make her want a little tyke of her own so the YOU can be the dad that sacto is...I would recomend avoiding sex with her for at LEAST a month after sending that story. Or, just cave and head to target for the crib.

awesome bruce!!

My lower back hurts and my shoulders are sore, but I really need to get out of the office early today and surf. Only made it into the water 4 times since Christmas. Jonesin' badly.

The fog commeth and taketh away! Too bad for you if you slept in today.

See ya Monday!

yeah, it was getting weird and unclean when i left it a while back. nice to be out there, got some fun ones, but a pretty low fun one to time ratio. i blame the swell, the tide, the currents, the sandbars, the wind, the board, and other people.

got a late morning with threatening fog.

glassy. dumpy. ornery smaller waves.
weird double ups lurking...
duck and came up into the falling lip
good day bottom! rinse cycle.
but some nice corners
hollowness
speed
pump
turn
grin

r.i.p. william arthur grubb

I've been coming in contact with my board during the rinse cycle lateley. Last week, I had a bruise on my knee because of it. Today, my wrist smacked the rail and it's killing me right now. anyone have some advice on general board avoidance?

So no Euro-baed players will be appearing tonight at the USA/Japan game. Only US-based players, best known being Donovan. Maybe possibly Eddie Adu. But no McBride, Reyna, Beasley or Friedel/Keller. Kinda a bummer, but still, should be fun......

jislober - try a longer leash...or stop falling off

I sometimes regret not having any kids-- but these poo stories have dramatically reduced my guilt. Thanks!

Nice work with the Mavs pics Bruce, my favorite folder of yours.

what's the better call for saturday night?
brujeria?

or

surf is over. on-shores, building fog and generally small crappy waves. just got back from a mediocre surf at the avenues. nothing really worthwhile. good for you dawn patrols out there, in about 2 hours the beach will be unsurfable.

FUCK!!!

were going to the goblin cock

I'm going to brujeria



me too...

this decision will be tougher than i thought

Goblin Cock rules, caught 'em at the warfield back in '97, before they started doing dot com launch parties. It was epic.

Going to goble cock or going to Goblin cock???

I'm going to Goblin cock

Oliveria

Diebenkorn

Park

west sieeed

brujeria! i didn't even hear about that one. thanks rza! never heard goblin cock, but i'll check 'em out.

goglin cock is awesome but why do people pierce thier pee holes? dang.

ARRRRGGG!!!!, surf over?.....ARRRGGHHHH. F######KK, SH*****TT, D@@@@@@MN!! I new I shoulda cut work short yesterday. Well, sweet frothy beverages, here I come. I'll be positioning myself at the bar.

Anyone hear Scientist/U-Roy hier soir? Got any words on the show? On the smokey haze?

Oops

It is a drag being a weekend warrior. Didn't Ted Nugent have something profound to say about that?

Oops, I mean "knew".

It is a drag being a weekend warrior. Didn't Ted Nugent have something profound to say about that?

The beach is done...

good to know.

New Jack Black flick...

http://www.aintitcool.com/Nacho_medium_vid.html

so where do all you guys head out for a nice micro brew after a surf session? java house?

prefer bud or bud light (amstel if my wallet is feeling heavy)...from the cooler on my back porch.

Tommy's for Margaritas and enchilda/taco combo plates

we're baaaaaaaaaaaaack!

NEWSPAPER REPORTER LOOKING FOR EAST BAY SURFERS

I'm the science reporter at the Contra Costa Times, and I'm looking for some local surfers for a story. Sandia National Lab in Livermore has developed a foam for use with nuclear weapons that the inventors think would be ideal for surf boards. They've tweaked it to match many of the physical properties of Clark Foam, and it has the added benefit of being environmentally friendly and non-toxic (no TDI). They're looking for businesses to partner with to manufacture blanks and I was hoping to get thoughts of local surfers about this idea. What do you think about material from nuclear weapons research being used for surf boards? How do you feel about the closing of Clark Foam and the hole that has left in the industry, and how would you like to see the void filled? What was so special about Clark Foam? Is there an emotional attachment to the product in the surfing community?

I'm hoping to find some residents of Contra Costa County, but Alameda County is fine too, and if you feel you have something especially insightful or relevant (or funny) to tell me, anywhere in the Bay Area will do. Please email or call me:
Betsy Mason
(925) 847-2158
bmason@cctimes.com

MY DEADLINE IS MONDAY, SO PLEASE CONTACT ME SOON!!

Thanks and have a great weekend!
Betsy

hb photo

charge those charging chargeables

yo betsy
check this
http://www.foammatrix.com/about.htm

web, you should email her if you'd like. i don't think she'll check back on the site.

really small and glassy right now. offshores have backed off. get out there!

ssssh! gaaa

Sweeettt!! Thanks Atari, we'll hit it. Where's the best peak!

Cornholes and the Pillbox are just a little overhead right now

Thanks, Mexi. But when I grow up I still want to take photos like you!

Sounds like some nuclear scientists are finally getting their priorities in order. Heh

At 6:30 a.m. so excited to finally see surfable waves [ for me ] out front I was jumping up and down. Sorry, downstairs neighbors. Too kooky to get good rides but suprised self into one over-my-head short wall I tried to chase to the shoulder but got smooshed into obliteration instead. Stoked even for a wipeout, it's been so long. Thank you, wave gods!

Happy hour at the Toronado is always a fine place for affordable suds. I can hear my brain cells crying out.

That was a Diebenkorn sketch?? Meh.

1000 Guys from SOMA, LOL. See you out at "Ass Sandals" and I hear the tide is hitting "Choad Nuggets" just right today. "Swoop Terrace" is kinda blown out. Get on it.

i'm keepin it quiet, but one think i can dish is that fell/lincoln kicks geary's ass. so much faster and more pleasant. i'm sure there are much more secret, sweet routes though.

'1000 Guys from SOMA' is actually not his name, but his fantasy.

thing not think

OB spot report:
'Little Beijing' was offshore and crowded this morning, so was 'Little Tianamens' and 'Tapei West'.
With the extreme high tide at 8:30am, 'Shanghai Rights' was en fuego.
'Hong Kong Bowl' and 'Walmart Ramp' were also clean and good.

y'all ruined my ideal friday afternoon, "it's foggy and onshore at the beach so no worries" end-of-the-workday fantasies.

now i have to bum about missing goodness.

argh!

1000 guys from SOMA is my reality, baby

nice post Kaiser.

surfed with nobody around except lerm, a girl we surf with a lot and a logger. Everybody caught a few good ones. Saw lerm smack the lip on a right. Saw the spray arc up in the early morning light.
Posted by: e on February 10, 2006 10:58 AM

e - Did you get it or didn't you?

yeah.. you're right wideCurtains. but.. I start jonesing again after a few hours.

SF buoy:

look at that uptick at the end. waves will be great this weekend. woo hoo!!!

go FSU Cowgirls, go!!

i like weezer

"if i see any of you niceness homo's surfing my beach, i'll kill ya"

Lighten up, Francis.

yabba dabba doobie!

OK. Back in the saddle again. Small fun waves out there this am. I rode the Bstah-mobile funboard tonight. Good choice cuz the waves were kinda soft and mushy, so the funboard worked well. RFS smoothness on the turns. Caught 8 waves in an hour. Yeah baby!

TOP SECRET high definition rotating coat hook technology

it's best not to let the poop sit, as you now know.
my little guy will shout, GO GO GO if someone's in the room and, sure enough, when he's done, he'll deny it even though it smells like a monkey house. none of it's pretty. but our parents deal with it and it's not forever (one would hope).
my god, there were some glassy chest-high beauties out there today. good fer noseridin. yee haw.

To whoever thought I posted that Orville Blakestahboppa or whatever photoshop thing, I didn't, I havn't posted anything since the Brian fiasco.

But Brian, if you're reading this, how about posting some updates and maybe some pics?

blakestah is a raper and is irrelevant.
when he surfs, join the claiming. but to be naming from fucking iowa is just plain old wannabEism.
it's funny how the hero's of this web site are atrocious surfers?
rape
claimerdalle
E
and the rest of the stinkbuttters

it wasn't wrybread...still curious about the 8'6" btw, love to hear about it....email me.

it was bbr who did the animated gif of me, he hosted it from his a-frame mag site.

the funboard rfs you rode, dennis, will ride the smallest waves well, you can take anything to the beach, I never liked it on bigger stuff though. Not enough rocker. But 2 ft dribblers and it will catch anything!

how it works...

I'm mackin' hungry now that the seas are calm! Bring your friends and splash around!

http://www.wolfgangsvault.com/player/WVplayer01url.htm\

Holy shit. Great "radio station" playing music from the Fillmore, Winterland, etc in the Bill Graham area. Hendrix from t Berkeley Community Theatre in May 1970 is firing me up.

The small surf is fun too. Fish food.

Great find HB. Thanks for sharing!

Just listened to Doobie Bros at Kezar Staium in SF - 1975. Guarenteed the SF fog had a much different smell ovwer the staduim that night.

Hey HB-
Do you have a line on any 'backyard' shapers or smaller surfshops down your way where I can pick up a cheaper beginner board for my nephew? He's ready to graduate from the hand-me-down I gave him last year...
TXS

e. you rule.

great scriptin.

Thanks for the above very helpful chart OB Low-cal. For years, I and my colleagues have maintained that wave crest to wave ray ratios diverge at a much greater frequency to load-bearing depth constants in colder climates. The ancient Hawaiians figured this out centuries ago (see below chart) by employing primitive ESO techniques, and measuring the perimeters of fallen guavas and coconuts within the direct vicinity of like swell norms. I have a running bet with Sean Collins (breakfast at the Sugar Shack) that within 3 years all wave forcasting models as we know them will adopt similar CPU-centered diagnostic rationales.

we concur!

After much deep and profound brain things inside our heads, we also concur.

Some fun out there this afternoon. Set waves were breaking on the outer bars; OH + 2. Rode the Bstah-mobile again but it was at it's upper limits. Too much fun and not enough gun for a couple of the waves. Got launched on one after the drop somehow??? Went airborne after the bottom turn. manana boyz and girls.

how do you get stoke back when it starts to fade? i've only surfed a couple of times this year, today was pretty fun at the new lindy until the wind got on it

blakestahs ok, he knows alot of things about everything. ask him some non-surfing related questions sometime.

surfing's out of control trendy right now. that's the problem. i don't think there will be a mass exodus of ppl quiting anytime soon. you'll likely see very competent surfers quit as they hit their plateau and burn out. less good surfers and more intermediate goons will = shitty crowd conditions. but i've found the new breed doesn't really care if they surf with 100 other shitty surfers with only 4 sets per 20 minutes coming in. and 89% will be closeouts (linda mar). these tards are starting to migrate to other spots, which sucks too. surfings the new golf. kaiser is the new typical sufer. oh boy.

-Skip

My reseach indicates that everything is going to hell. It's all turning to shit, the whole kit and caboodle. Used to be okay, but, now? Down the crapper.

My esteemed colleague Skip who, incidentally, also has impressive credentials and belongs to the same nutriding organization as I developed this ground breaking piece of equipment.

Stokemeter� description:
The StokeMeter� is an advanced approach to the measurement
of depleted stoke. This patented device uses no moving parts
and no modulators to quickly and accurately determine the
presence of stoke, or change in stoke level inputs.

Or you can try my favorite, the compact Rectal Stokemeter (pat. pend.)

Lets put science aside and get really real...

kaiser is the new typical surfer? i don't think so. surfers have always drove trucks and been associated with bikini chicks.
the economy of SF is tech. building and services. 30 year locals have gas guzzlers and email accounts although their wife don't looks as good in bikini's these days.

new typical surfer is the fags on the retro fishes who blow donavan

people that drive big trucks and SUV's who don't work trades are making up for their lack of penis size.

surfing is the sport of kings. blakestah is in the top echelon of society. he belongs to the court, whether he can surf well or not. he advises us royalty on matters pertaining to the kingdom.

a dot com commoner has no business in the water.

Skip

I'll tailgate inches away from you in my SUV Skip. Look back in your rear view and see my mean angry American made gas guzzling grill. I'll turn on my headlights and blast them through your rear window from tahoe to the beach, bitch. If I see you on your bike nearby I'll hit the gas and you can listen to my mean grumbling roar of an exhaust. I DONT GIVE A SHIT IF PEOPLE POORER THAN ME DIE BECAUSE OF MY CHOICE. This doesn't even get past my Burger King, trans fat, sluggish thought train.

I'm a mean dude in my SUV. Look at me. Look at the image I have achieved and project. I am a mean, burley, middle class surfer. That is me world. I've fucking made it. Watch me take my 30% fat content finger and dial OnStar to get me some Mimi's Cafe or Armadildo Willy's delivered to the office lunch meeting on my way back from linda mar. At the meeting I will anounce layoffs to all the non managers. Then I will surf niceness and bikini sites all day and all week.

I wonder what attracts such illiterate dumb asses to this site?

1/3 of Californians don't graduate from high school.

Perhaps they're attracted by all the literate dumbasses.

HEY. Leave Blakestah alone you anon FAGS!

OK, all you SF snobs, I'll write my thoughts a little more coherently. Spelling may be off and I'm not spending much time here..

Dear Skip,

After reading your anti-SUV rant, I will respond by suggesting your post is anti-American and terroristic. In order to promote democracy and freedom, I must do whatever it takes to stop you.

Freedom and democracy is not free, it takes sacrafice. Sometimes we must sacrafice our safety.

I have decided to sacrafice some of my safety and will begin tailgating you in my SUV. Effective immediately. Hopefully, you will look in your rear view mirror and see freedom and democracy about to get rammed into your annal areas. This is what you will need to sacrafice for freedom and democracy.

If that doesn't persuade you, I will flash my headlights into your smaller car from behind. I will do this from the mighty mountains to the majestic shores.

If you are like the other terrorists and ride a bicycle, I will give you the sermon of democracy and freedom straight from the exaust pipes of my Suburban. Hallelugha.

Skip, I can care less about you or anyone else for that matter. Freedom and democracy takes sacrafice and I'm willing to sacrafice what it takes to make it.

I also love consumerism, and can care less what it does to you or I. Don't try to tell me what to drive or eat. I eat what I want, when I want and where I want. I am free.

My vehicle of choice is part of my lifestyle and defines who I am. I am free to drive whatever I want. If I was doing so much harm, the government would step in and stop me.

I am living the American dream. I am the moral majority. Everything's perfect and I do no wrong.

woops.. sacrifice

...and jesus said it's OK too.

not the best surf shot i've seen

surf at the Beach was pretty crappy today. There was size, but no shape. Dammit all to hell.

Rapestah ignores those who's lives have been spent at an uncrowded unwanted beach for personal gain now that some attention is paid to the area.
Royalty no chance. Morally, socially and emotionally bankrupt more likely. And this from the other side of the country?

Saturday - yay!